Dedicated to Kat

I'm dancing around my apartment singing very very loudly to Letters to Cleo... Kat always thinks of 10 Things I Hate About You.

Therefore, without further ado...



and ps - for reference, this is what I'm actually listening to:



oh Kay Hanley... you made me gay, I'm convinced of it.

all for now

peace

Kat's Tip of the Day

...censoring our AIM conversation from today is probably for the best, but here's some wisdom that only she can get into my head.

Kat: The Beatles had it wrong, you need a hell of a lot more than love to make the impossible happen

all for now

peace

the hard truth

I've been in love a few times. I've been hurt a lot. I've been happy and I've been sad. I've had ups, I've had downs, I've had in betweens. I've had boyfriends and I've had girlfriends. I've had best friends and I've had acquaintances. I've had fights and I've had love. I've had a lot

I've made huge milestones in the past couple of months and I'm proud of myself for it. I'm getting back on the proverbial horse I suppose.

this should be interesting....

all for now

peace

because it's on starz and i can't sleep

"This is me taking control.... from billing reports, from ergonomic keyboards, from cheating girlfriends and sack a shit best friends. This is me taking back control of my life. What the fuck have you done lately?"

sometimes, an Angelina Jolie movie is just what a person needs to feel better..

I'm just sayin...

all for now

peace

Honestly....

Ok, I'll probably catch a lot of shit for this one but..

Am I the only one in the world that thinks that Michael Jackson's Wake or Memorial or whatever that circus spectacle was shouldn't have been televised?

I mean, I know the burial and whatnot won't be shown (at least, they're planning it to be private or got away with it being private)

But seriously, doesn't anyone think that those kids have been through enough, let alone putting a microphone in front of that little girl while she cried hysterically saying she missed her daddy?

I mean, I get it. The man was a musical genius... but for real... it just doesn't seem right to me.

I'm just sayin...

all for now

peace

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday

Happy Fifth Birthday Blog!!

all for now

peace

Holy Crap!

I'm just sayin... that's the coolest thing ever!

PS - Happy Fourth of July!

all for now

peace

My current issue

Little back story...

Yes, little bit and I broke up. We are talking and maybe we will work things out, maybe we won't. It was our relationship and we messed it up together. It will take a lot of work to fix, but we're going to at least make the attempt.

Anyway...

As most of you all know, I love to talk. If you didn't know that, then be glad I've never cornered you in a room somewhere and talked for hours about nothing.

It's just what I do.

Deal with it.

Anyway, if you're a facebook friend of mine, then you will have recently seen how proud of myself I was.

I was at the gym, like usual, and some random guy came up and started talking to me. I talked back because I've learned to actually be polite to people instead of just ignoring them (which is what I usually do at the gym, ipod on/headphones in/don't bug me sort of situation)

So I talked to him for a short time, and then he followed me to the treadmill to continue the conversation (it was about school and work. nothing majorly interesting)

Anyway, he gave me his number.

This impressed me because I really did think that I have grown into the lesbian look. I thought that you could see it tattooed on my forehead.

So I guess I was a little pleased. I took his number and decided that if I didn't call him, it would look just as fine instead of me saying to him "oh, btw I'm gay"

(And yes, I do break out "btw" in spoken conversation)

(I'm just that girl)

Anyway, somehow he managed to get my number. Now, I'm not pointing fingers, but whoever gave it to him, I hate you.

So now I have to figure out how to be nice to him and maybe have him as a friend or something and figure out how to not hurt his feelings.

Sorry, I like girls. There's no changing that.

I thought I was bi for a while, but I'm not. Sorry.

Eh... why does shit like this always happen to me?

all for now

peace

food for thought... heh... see what i did there?

It's a well known fact in my family that if, while a child, I needed some distracting my family could do one of a two things:

1) Put on Bob Ross (the painter who painted landscapes with "happy clouds" you know, this guy)
2) Put on Julia Child.

I was amused because I think I was so young and my verbal skills hadn't fully developed that I kind of understood her? I don't know, but that train of thought makes sense in my mind nowadays.

Anyway, at our book club meeting this week we ventured over to Borders to check out what we could read for next month. While we settled on Running With Scissors, I also came across Julie and Julia and decided what the hell (because I mean, it's not like I don't like to read)

Anyway... this is a true story, for those of you that live under a rock, about a woman who started a food blog about her trials and tribulations of going through 524 Julia Child recipes in 365 days. Yeah... I'd kill myself if I had to do that... just saying.

So, I like to cook so I've been talking to Benny about how some of these really random (read - weird and fucked up sounding) recipes would come out... and tonight I hit the one that has turned my nose up so much that I've decided to just not bother trying to cook french food.

Like Ever.

NEVER.

The recipe is called Oeufs en gelée and part of is consists of...

Stop reading this now if you have a weak stomach... this is all the warning you're going to get.

So... yeah... Apparently you have to boil calves feet... and like use the congealed jelly over the eggs... or something.

Fuck that shit.

I'll stick to my Italian Cooking Snobbery, thank you very much.

The book is fantastic so far, I think it's just the kind of chick lit that I needed to deter me from my post-breakup cleaning binge.

Got to love OCD.

Anyway... I had to get that off my chest. Now the rest of you can deal with that thought in your mind.

Now, I'm not so upset at having eaten squid every Christmas Eve..

all for now

peace

wow

RIP Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson

all for now

peace

when to give up

Ok... so this won't make sense to a lot of you but I need to get it off my chest.

Little bit and I were/are/is having a really hard difficult time. We had a huge blow out and broke up/took a break/started over.

All the slashes are there because I'm not sure I really will ever know what's going on with us anymore.

We both said some pretty terrible things to each other and hurt each others feelings. We decided that we'd get together and talk when she got back from her vacation (which would have been next week)

Little bit's birthday was yesterday. Stupid me, I thought she'd at least try to make a couple minutes to let me drive all the way up to her to see her and give her the presents I got her.

So, no big deal, she was busy. I get it.

But I tried to talk to her about another issue and we weren't communicating well and we got into another fight. And I don't even know what happened.

When do you give up on a relationship? When the love is gone or when you're not working together and fighting more?

I'm so fucking confused. And it makes it 50 times worse when everyone around me is telling me that we need time to work it out.

We're trying the time thing... and it's still not working.

I'm so confused.

I know what I want... and I thought I knew what she want but after our huge blow out and everything that we said to each other... I'm not sure that's what she still wants.

And I think the trust has gone out the window.

I feel like I'm in high school. There is so much drama surrounding this whole thing.

I know her family and friends don't want her to bother with me and I know my friends don't think I should keep trying to make this work with her.

I guess I'm stupid for actually wanting to make it work? Who knows anymore.

I just feel really hurt after all of this. Like... we were really good friends before all of this. I wanted to try and prove to her that we could make it together... but I'm starting to doubt it myself.

Love is all you need, right? Well... I think we have that... so why does she keep pushing me away?

I feel like we can't just talk without getting into an argument. Texting in relationships is like the worlds biggest pain in my ass. One of us will misunderstand something and start World War Three.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe this won't work. Maybe too much damage has been done.

But am I so wrong for trying?

I want to call a purple right now... Big Time Out. Hopefully we can talk again later today... I guess I'll hold my breath again.

all for now

peace

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE BIT!!!

Today is little bit's birthday.

I love you sooooo much!!



PS - the cake I made you is soooooooo much better!!

all for now

peace

Dear Perez Hilton

You're a tool and no one likes you.

Get over yourself and stop putting your bullshit in everyones face.

Oh yeah, and when you drop words like "fag" in a bad way, you're basically hate criming yourself.

You need to stop blogging and get a real job.

Kthxbye.

all for now

peace

blog break

I'll be back when I'm back.

Do with that what you will. I don't care

all for now

peace

dark day

Today is a very dark day for me.

I'm not going into details (not because the details aren't worthy, it's just I can't talk about this just yet)

I thought that things were getting better in my life. As self centered as it sounds, everything is collapsing around me right now.

I just have no words.

all for now

peace