when to give up

Ok... so this won't make sense to a lot of you but I need to get it off my chest.

Little bit and I were/are/is having a really hard difficult time. We had a huge blow out and broke up/took a break/started over.

All the slashes are there because I'm not sure I really will ever know what's going on with us anymore.

We both said some pretty terrible things to each other and hurt each others feelings. We decided that we'd get together and talk when she got back from her vacation (which would have been next week)

Little bit's birthday was yesterday. Stupid me, I thought she'd at least try to make a couple minutes to let me drive all the way up to her to see her and give her the presents I got her.

So, no big deal, she was busy. I get it.

But I tried to talk to her about another issue and we weren't communicating well and we got into another fight. And I don't even know what happened.

When do you give up on a relationship? When the love is gone or when you're not working together and fighting more?

I'm so fucking confused. And it makes it 50 times worse when everyone around me is telling me that we need time to work it out.

We're trying the time thing... and it's still not working.

I'm so confused.

I know what I want... and I thought I knew what she want but after our huge blow out and everything that we said to each other... I'm not sure that's what she still wants.

And I think the trust has gone out the window.

I feel like I'm in high school. There is so much drama surrounding this whole thing.

I know her family and friends don't want her to bother with me and I know my friends don't think I should keep trying to make this work with her.

I guess I'm stupid for actually wanting to make it work? Who knows anymore.

I just feel really hurt after all of this. Like... we were really good friends before all of this. I wanted to try and prove to her that we could make it together... but I'm starting to doubt it myself.

Love is all you need, right? Well... I think we have that... so why does she keep pushing me away?

I feel like we can't just talk without getting into an argument. Texting in relationships is like the worlds biggest pain in my ass. One of us will misunderstand something and start World War Three.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe this won't work. Maybe too much damage has been done.

But am I so wrong for trying?

I want to call a purple right now... Big Time Out. Hopefully we can talk again later today... I guess I'll hold my breath again.

all for now

peace